A Most Unlikely Master
by NeonZangetsu
Summary: What is the meaning of life? Is it the will to live? The resolve to survive? The drive to thrive? I believe the answer lies in the simple things. Find something you love. Cherish it. Love it. Protect it...fight for it, if you must. Whatever the cost. In the end, I'm a Most Unlikely Master. NarutoxCaster? NarutoxMedea? Narutoxharem? Insanity and fluff abounds. Vote Via Review!
1. Prologue

**A/N: SHEESH you guys are relentless.**

 **In every route of the Fate series, be it Fate Stay Night, Unlimited Blade Works, Heavens Feel, someone dies. Constantly. Without fail.**

 **I DO NOT APPROVE.**

 **She was even meant to have a route at some point, only for it to be cut.**

 **I was going to just throw this in as an idea for An Endless Journey but everyone liked it too damn much. Result? I got bombarded with PM's demanding I make this story. And yes, the beginning does get a touch philosophical. That much is intentional.**

 **Trying something new-to my knowledge-here so I'm prepared for flak.**

 **Hell, depending on the reception this one receives it might transition to a full-on story.**

 **You know, I just realized something.**

 **The title...well...it possesses dual meanings in a sense...**

 _"You'd help me? Just like that?"_

 _...just get inside."_

 _~?_

 **A Most Unlikely Master**

 _What is the meaning of life?_

 _The will to live? The resolve to survive? The drive to thrive? To reproduce?_

 _Instinct, then?_

 _Is it that innate, inherent inclination of a living organism towards a particular complex behavior that defines us so? Yes? No? Maybe? I think, therefore I am? But why do we exist, then? Do we have a calling? A purpose in life? Surely we must. Why else would we be here? So what is that purpose? Why am I here, man asks. Why do I exist? What am I meant to do with the life I've been given? To what-or whom-should I devote my life? To my country? To my family? To myself? Perhaps to God?_

 _Since the dawn of sanity, man has asked this question._

 _Few find the answer._

 _I've found the solution lies not in the day-to-day minutia of existence, but in what lies beyond the mundane. There is no grand order of things, no one answer that suits all. We each have to find our own path in this world, make our own way. Some claim a_ _higher purpose is at work, but if there is, then I have yet to ascertain that supposed truth. In short, the answer is thus:_

 _Find something, or someone, that makes you happy._

 _Love it._

 _Protect it._

 _Safeguard it._

 _Simple as that._

 _Take me for instance; a ninja out of time, the last piece of a long-forgotten era, someone who lived long past his expiration date. They say those of the Uzumaki bloodline are blessed with longevity but this is absurd. Its been more than a thousand years now and I'm still-physically at any rate-trapped somewhere in my twenties._ _If I hadn't found something-several somethings, really-to occupy myself after the first century there, I suspect I would've gone insane and tried to off myself._

 _I miss my friends and family of course; but that's no reason to die._

 _No, its for their sake that I choose to live._

 _They say war never changes. Me? I'm sick of war. Not particularly sick of living, mind you. I find the world fascinating, even now. There's always something new to discover after all these years. Myths. Mysteries. Marvels left unknown to man. I've seen sights that would make even the hardest hearts shatter, dined on the finest foods, thwarted plots that threatened to destroy the world. I lived life on my own terms; all in all I'd say its been a good one. Can't wait to see what the next few centuries hold._

 _Magic, for instance._

 _I have absolutely no aptitude for it-or maybe I never found a good teacher-but it still intrigues me._

 _Something so like chakra...and yet not. Fascinating, these magi. Who would've thought they could create something like this?_

 _They started cropping up a few centuries back; so long as they stay out of my way, I'm content to let them be. After all, I have no quarrel with them; though_ _I suspect some would LOVE to tear me open and see what makes me tick. Thankfully I'm not terribly keen on that, you know?_ _Let them have their wars and their ways._ _Let them slaughter one another._ _Why should it be any of my concern? If they want to summon heroes out of the past and kill one another every few decades over some so-called "wish" then I say let them._

 _If they need supernatural means to fulfill their dreams, that either makes them extraordinary or they simply lack the will to make them real._

 _Hmm._

 _Food for thought._

 _What matters is this: at the end of the day, are you content? Are you happy? Do you want more from life? **Need** more? If so, why? What will you do to get it? Its important to think these things through. __Me? I was content to take a break from traveling the world and try something new, to simply eke out a humble existence of my own making. No one thinks to question someone claiming to be a traveling monk...even if he doesn't shave his head. A humble life, one with the occasional book or video game to pass the time until I grew bored and moved on._

 _Yes, all things considered,_ _I was content._

 _Content to keep my head down and stay away from the Association and other messy magical business._

 _I never gave thought to another partner after my first; after all, how could I fall in love with someone knowing they would inevitably wither and die? Worse, that I'd be unable to follow them into the void. To do that, to try and start again knowing I'd lose it all in the end...that **would** drive me insane. __So, yes. Not quite happy, but content._

 _Until I landed in Fuyuki._

 _Until that day._

 _Until her._

* * *

 **(0-0-0)**

* * *

"Blast it all, not again!"

Medea stumbled.

Slowly, fitfully, she clutched at a nearby wall and forced herself upright again, ignoring the searing pain in her chest. Her torn veil offered no recourse, no shelter from the cold nor the waning light of the moon. Though her shoulders trembled and her body heaved, still she stubbornly clung on.

She needed to keep moving. The moment she stopped was the moment she died.

With each passing second she could feel herself slipping back into the _aether_ , her very sense of self crumbling away like fine dust through her hands. The more she tightened her grip, the more sanity slipped through her fingers. Coherent thought was a struggle; the mere act of moving threatened to sever the spiritons composing her body altogether. Death would be imminent then; once her body began actively dissolving no last second contract would save her. And she was on the brink of destabilizing.

Yet still she dragged herself on.

"To think, I, of all people, would do such a thing...

Smoke caught in her lungs as she shuffled further down the street.

Death has a funny way of putting things into perspective. Caster was no different than any other in that regard. Even the Witch of Betrayal had her share of regrets. Many at that.

A small, bitter laugh escaped her at the thought.

Ryuudou Temple sprawled before her on the mountain, a goal she'd never reach. All because of that man.

 _Atrum Galliasta._

That wretched meddling man she'd called her Master, that most heinous fiend. She was glad to be rid of him-even if it meant her death. Not only had he been an eyesore, but his very magecraft was an affront to her sensibilities. Children! What manner of monster sacrificed children to empower their spells?! For all his ego he had been a fooled just the same, tricked into wasting his Command Spells on fruitless actions all the while reassuring him that she wouldn't betray him, even should he ultimately exhaust them. And once he had...

She'd destroyed his workshop and freed his captives.

Then she'd driven Rule Breaker into his back. Once. Twice. Thrice. Again and again and again until she was certain he could no longer do any of those horrid things again. Even now one needn't look far to see the burning ruin behind her; a charred wreckage frantically attended by fire crew and the like. No doubt they would struggle to find the cause of this, never knowing the reason.

Thus she would die, forgotten by everyone.

Shuffling from door to door at the foot of the mountain in search of someone-anyone!-to help her, Medear found herself dashed at every turn. Of course they didn't answer when she knocked; no one wanted anything to do with a blood-spattered woman all of a heartbeat from passing away. Yet still she struggled, still she fought, crying pleading, begging in an unseemly way, though none answered. With each passing moment her hopes sank lower still.

She didn't want to die.

She didn't want to disappear.

She didn't want to disintegrate.

Thus it came as a surprise when one such doors shifted just so.

"Alright, alright! I'm coming!" Lights sprang to life in a window and a muffled voice groaned from within. "Do you have any idea how early it is...?!"

Having offered little more than a fitful knock upon an admittedly small abode, she was almost charmed by it, and would have had she not been at death's door. Still, It looked cozy enough; a small cottage painted a dull shade of blue, its paint worn by both time and age. Not the largest house to be sure, but it no doubt suited its owner just fine.

The door swung open, revealing said owner.

They were, by all accounts, a boy.

Yet so much more.

For all his bedraggled appearance-consisting of little more than a hastily donned pair of wrinkled blue jeans and a faded orange sweater-the young man didn't refute her outright. He seemed lively enough, almost oddly so for someone who'd woken in the dead of night. A worn hand rose to stifle a yawn, palming at tanned whiskered cheeks and bright blue eyes. And that hair...she'd never seen a color so bright before, nor so unruly. Why, she half-suspected that spiky mane to rear up at her here and now _-no!_ Bad Medea! No was not the time for flights of fancy. _She was still dying!_

"You need something, miss?" a low drawl trickled between the two of them.

That keen gaze narrowed silently, noting her bloodied robe, the burns on her cheek.

Medea could've answered him in any number of ways; deceived him, even. In the end her tongue betrayed her.

"Please," the words tumbled out of her before she could even dream of wrangling them back from whence they'd come, "Help me!"

Confusion dawned in those azure orbs, an expression of mild distaste flitting across those whiskered cheeks, followed by incredibly _...comprehension._ Somehow, he understood what she was asking of him. Rather, what she was. But how? For all his vitality he wasn't a magus, not in the traditional sense. Even one trained in said craft would have difficulty detecting a Servant, least of all one on the verge of returning to the the Throne. So how could he know the truth of what she was? Yet his gaze held no deception, no duplicitous deceit.

In that moment she almost expect him to refuse her outright; after all, who in their right mind would help a stranger?"

"Well!" Whiskered cheeks dimpled in a small sardonic smile. "Since you asked so nicely...

Calloused hands reached out and wrapped around her outstretched palm.

 _...sure."_

"Hweh?" Medea managed eloquently.

She hadn't expected him to actually say yes!"

Nevertheless instinct gripped her thoughts in an iron vice, demanding action. Without thinking Medea pounced; not on him but rather upon the opportunity to form a contract with him. Another Servant of a different class would've struggled to do such, but for one as verse in the craft as she, it was a mere matter of thought. His verbal acceptance simplified matters significantly. With such a large loophole, she needn't even force the marks upon him; they came of their own accord.

Sure enough, a faint red glow manifested upon his right hand; as she looked on it curled into a crimson seal manifesting the shape of a spiral.

No, not a spiral...a leaf of some sort.

"Thank you." in a rare moment of relief, she dropped all pretense of facade. Already she could feel her body stabilizing, the once imminent collapse of her core now little more than a bad memory. Excellent! Now that the fear of death no longer loomed over her, she found she could think clearly. Nay, more than that! She felt energized, veritably humming with power. Where was all this coming from?

The smallest sigh escaped her Master, turning to steam in the night.

Still holding Caster's dominant hand, the young man abruptly stepped aside.

A blond brow rose in...resignation perhaps? Sorrow? She couldn't quantify the emotion and it was gone before she could guess at it. T'was the look of a man who'd seen hell and overcome it; a soul that spat in the face of death. Not someone who had gone to every effort to forget the trauma, but rather one who stoically accepted it as fact and moved on. His smile might have been dulled by his past experiences, yet there was still a palpable feeling of warmth to it when he turned to face her.

"Well, this was nice while it lasted...go on. Make yourself at home, then."

"W-Wait a second! You're letting me into your home?" Medea blinked, taken aback by his continued hospitality. "Just like that?"

She'd expected to have to place him under a _geas_ of some sort, to threaten or seduce him at the very least.

Again, those whiskered cheeks pinched in mild annoyance.

...jeez, just get inside already." he groused. "I'm cold."

In the end, Medea did as she was bade.

From that action alone her fate changed forevermore, not just that of the Fifth Holy Grail War, not merely Fuyuki, but the world itself and many worlds beyond it.

Of course, Medea knew none of this. She was simply grateful for the opportunity this stranger presented her; the chance to live on, for however short a time. She had no idea that young master before he wasn't young at all, but something dangerously close to a walking disaster. This, then, was her new Master. One who had taken her hand without hesitation one who had not flinched as the marks etched themselves into his hand. One that would give her the second life she so desperately craved. All this from a chance encounter.

She, who was meant to fail.

She who was meant to die, would live.

She who was fated to fail, would succeed.

Truly, she'd received A Most Unlikely Master indeed.

 _He would drive her completely, utterly insane within a week._

 **A/N: Feels good to give Medea some justice, considering I screwed her in A Most Unlikely Caster.**

 **Alright, fuck it.**

 **Shirou's going to get his own story with Medea eventually but I feel that needs more time to craft than I have at the moment. I want that to be a bloody masterpiece. After all, THAT may well be the first and only pure Fate story that I write.**

 **Now, then.**

 **I'll say it plain, this isn't going to go the way many of you think. For one? Naruto's biggest handicap in this war isn't an enemy Servant or even an enemy servant. It isn't Gilgamesh or Saber, or even the Holy Grail at that.**

 _Its himself._

 **That's right. You heard me. Think of Yoshikage Kira of Jojo's Bizzarre Adventure, minus the hand fetish and urge to murder. He has no interest in wars or wishes, in fame or glory, or even ending his existence. He is immortal ONLY in the sense that his body ceased aging long ago. Physically, he can be killed, his regeneration overwhelmed. Chop his head off? He's dead. Tear him apart? Dead. Stab him through the heart? DEAD. He's quite aware of this, alas, anything short of the three we just mentioned simply won't end his life.**

 **Really, he'd be quite happy to wander the world or spend the day lazing about in the sun.**

 **That aside, he's quite content living a normal, peaceful existence...**

 **...until a certain Caster stumbled through his door.**

 **So In the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

 **...Review...Would You Kindly?**

 **And enjoy the previews!**

 **Potential ones at that.**

 **(Previews!)**

 _"I just want a normal life, ya know! Is that so much to ask?!"_

* * *

 _Infuriating._

 _This man was utterly, wholly, infuriating!_

 _Caster's gaze was silently drawn to his marked hand as he raised his glass. She acknowledged him as her Master this much was true. Even without the leylines of the temple to bolster her reserves he provided her with more than enough prana to sustain her physical form. More than that; it was as if he were a bottomless pit! Her workshop wasn't even constructed yet; nor had she revealed her plans to attempt to circumvent the grail with her own sorcery. She wasn't even sure she should._

 _Yet she owed him her life._

 _He'd taken her in without so much as a second thought, nor had he object to forming a contract with her. He had accommodated her in every conceivable way despite his-seemingly-limited means. Never let it be said that he had done otherwise. And yet! AND YET!_

 _Why was he being so lazy?!_

 _...aren't we going out, Master?"_

 _Naruto uttered a jaw-popping yawn._

 _"Why, are you hungry? I can cook something, I guess."_

 _Medea ruthlessly bit her tongue to stifle a waspish retort._

 _"You can cook?" she managed a small, strangled smile instead._

 _Oddly enough, this provoked a reaction in him._ _Blue eyes gleamed with life._

 _"Is that challenge, Caster?" he purred, "I'll blow your taste-buds right out of the water."_

 _And he did._

* * *

 _"Hello, there! Did you summon me?"_

 _Medea choked on her own spit as the smoke cleared._ _This...was not the wraith she'd hoped to summon._

* * *

 _...you spilled my ramen."_

 _"What, that? Its just some food-_

 _Clenched knuckles barreled upward._

* * *

 _"I thought I smelled something foul, vampire."_

 _Zouken froze as a towering golden shadow reared up behind him._

 _Cold crimson eyes **far** older than his own regarded him with thinly veiled scorn._

 _In that instant this man, this unassuming fool whom he'd assumed to be little more than a pawn in his plans, became something else entirely. A vampire he most assuredly was not, but he couldn't bringing himself to try and correct the young man's statement. This one...he wasn't human._ _Not a god._ _Not a Servant._ _Not even a magus._ _But someone dangerous all the same._ _Still...This fool wouldn't kill him. He couldn't._

 _"You can't destroy me." A low, hoarse laugh left his lips. "If you do, you kill an innocent. Lend me your Servant and I might consider a truce-_

 _"GET LOST!"_

 _A golden fist eradicated his physical body, leaving only wriggling worms behind. Still that oily laughter pervaded the air._

 ** _"So be it then. You'll make a fine offering for it."_**

 **R &R~!**


	2. Day One

**A/N: Right, thanks for the support.**

 **I'm so jazzed up by all this positivity I was even able to write the next chapter sooner than expected!**

 **I'm also playing Hellblade at the moment. Yup, finally got my hands on a physical copy and holy hell this game is a trip!**

 **Now, onto the questions:**

 **Seven should do.**

 **Q: We leaping into the war already?!**

 **A: I feel the need to remind you that Medea was summoned EARLY in all the routes. She also consistently kills her first Master. In every. Single. Route. Not that anyone would miss that guy, he's a right and proper asshole, but unlike Shinji, this guy kills kids. That's a big no-no in Medea's book. But I digress. Right now she has plenty of time to set up her workshop, defenses, and lay claim to the Ryuudou Temple...assuming Naruto's morality doesn't impede her efforts overmuch.**

 **Q: Why is Naruto so dead-set on remaining anonymous in the Holy Grail War?**

 **A: Because he simply wants to live a normal life. Wouldn't you?  
**

 **Q: Will Medea betray Naruto?**

 **A: He'd have to do something utterly _horrid_ to make her even consider that.**

 **Q: Wait a hot minute. If we go the Heavens Feel route *gulp* doesn't that mean Naruto and Medea will be in immediate danger?**

 **A: Zouken's in for a nasty surprise if he tries anything, that's all I'll say on the matter. He's a tricky old worm too, you have to destroy his body AND his soul in unison, otherwise he'll just keep coming back.**

 **Q: Dear god, Medea's a walking nuke now...!**

 **A: If she had her way, she'd simply eradicate everyone; thankfully those three Command Spells are a VERY effective leash. She knows if she misbehaves she may well be in for a world of pain, not that she's foolish enough to attack her own mana battery.**

 **Q: Medea's going to fall hard, isn't she?**

 **A: Medea is, at her core, someone who wants to find love. She's also a very frightful person and not one to trust easily; but she she does she throws her all into it. When someone shows her kindness of any sort, she's genuinely at a loss.**

 **Q: ...somehow I can see Naruto bringing Medea breakfast in bed the next morning. Pleaaaaaase do this.**

 **A: You psychic or something?**

 **Don't think Naruto has any attacks that directly hit the soul, so...**

 **Now, away we go!**

 **Sorry if its shorter than usual, I'm not feeling the best at the moment...**

 _"The hardest battles are fought with the mind, not the sword."_

 _"What does that say about you then, Master?"_

 _"It says I'm not an idiot."_

 _~?_

 **Day One**

Infuriating.

Yes, that was the word.

This man was utterly, wholly, infuriating!

Try as she might to deny it, Medea could not bring herself to say otherwise; to deny this undeniable truth would be akin to anathema for the witch of betrayal.

After her temporary Master had taken her into his home she'd expected at least some semblance of decorum; a basic understanding and acceptance of what he was getting himself into. The man was practically a living mana battery after all, a veritable font of power that never seemed to run dry no matter how much she tried to exhaust it. Surely he must be a magus of _some_ kind despite what her senses told her.

Instead he'd shuffled off to bed and left her to her own devices for the remainder of the evening.

Sleep claimed her eventually, but by the time she'd escaped its grasp the next morning her expectations had...snowballed. Spectacularly.

For one whose legend was so steeped in the concept of betrayal-being betrayed by those she'd loved, herself, her very country-Medea often forgot that it was quite possible for others to betray her expectations in a less than overt way. Not in a violent manner, or even an unpleasant one at that. She'd grown so accustomed to distrusting others that it never once occurred to her; she might be wrong. That this jaded, jaundiced view of the world and its works might well be faulty. And why should she believe otherwise?

Until now.

Her first realization came the moment she opened her eyes; when the warm scent of breakfast reached her nose.

Bright eyes snapped open and she flailed upright, alarmed to find herself in an unfamiliar bed. What sorcery was this?! She hadn't used a bed in ages! On the off chance that she required sleep she'd simply revert to astral form and rest in comparative comfort.

 _Instead_ she found herself tangled up in white sheets-fully clothed, thanks the Gods-and utterly unable to remember how she'd gotten here. The room itself was a plain one, if a tad bit stoic; the sort one might expect from a traditional Japanese citizen. Tatami mats lay sprawled about the floor in a haphazard fashion and the sliding door hung wide open, through which she caught the distantly tune of music wafting into the air. The faintest of noises emanated from the wall behind her, suggesting the room opposite hers was quite occupied. In fact-

"You're awake. Good."

 _"Yeek!"_

Fright jolted through Medea and despite her best efforts, the sorceress actually _jumped._

Wide eyes rounded on the voice with a start, alarmed to find that, in the moment she'd taken her eyes off the door, her Master had inexplicably reappeared. Carrying a silver tray laden with food no less. She was mildly chuffed to see that he'd at least changed his clothes since last night, opting for a pair of dark pants and what _might_ have been a long-sleeved shirt once, judging by those tattered orange sleeves ending well above the elbows. Alas, the sight of him did little to assuage the roiling storm of her own confusion. She hadn't even sense him coming.

...just what was he?

An awkward weight settled in the pit of her stomach as he padded into the room, one she didn't know what to do with.

Wordlessly, he laid the tray upon her lap.

Medea blinked.

Once.

Twice.

Thrice.

Only upon the fifth and final blink she finally realize that the young man actually wanted her to _eat_ this.

Propped up upon a nearby table...the meal looked quite tasteful, actually. A strange fluffy concoction drizzled with what looked like syrup and butter. Pancakes, the Grail supplied. Her gaze fell upon the silverware beside the plate, then the small glass of some strange juice beside it. Behind _that_ another curiosity awaited her gaze. Was that a muffin? With that, something clicked in her head and Caster understood just what was happening; her Master's sudden and abrupt appearance, the tray in her lap, his own silent, expectant face as he gazed back at her.

Breakfast in bed?

How quaint.

"Figured you'd be hungry after last night...though I'm not sure if your kind eat." Came the reply to her unspoken question. A hand flicked toward her food. "Try it."

Was it poisoned? Drugged, perhaps? Worse? Medea ruthlessly bit her tongue to stifle the instinctive retort lurking on her lips. Until she tasted blood. The acrid tang against her tongue healed almost immediately, weaving the disjointed tapestry of her thoughts back into cold coherence once more. How long had it been since someone had shown her such kindness? Since _...that man._ No. No, no, no! Absolutely not! She refused to speak his name. She would not do him that snake the honor of even _dwelling_ upon his name, the wretch. The thought loosened her tongue, briefly.

"My, goodness." she mustered a small, strangled smile as she reached for her fork, "I wasn't aware a plebeian such as yourself could cook."

Oddly enough, this actually provoked a reaction in the man she called Master. Blue eyes gleamed with life.

"Is that challenge, Caster?" he purred, "I'll blow your taste-buds right out of the water."

He beckoned once more at the meal in mute challenge.

"Go ahead. Eat.

So she did.

 _ **...?!"**_

The first mouthful made her toes curl and brought tears of joy to her eyes, tears she swiftly sought to banish. Though she knew precious little of her Master something told her he'd hold this over her head like a guillotine, one he might drop on her at any moment. Medea couldn't have that. Absolutely not!

She tried to muster some semblance of a response. She really, truly did.

Instead her body betrayed her and she found herself devouring the meal set before her with reckless abandon.

"I...you...how?!" she managed between bites, "Even in my era we didn't have this kind of cooking?!

A small, sober smile tugged at those whiskered cheeks.

...had plenty of time to practice."

Full lips pursed into a frown.

This would not do.

Medea knew full well that her Master was capable of forming coherent sentences. That he'd chosen not to was an act of deliberate spite on his part at worse, laziness at best. She watched him claim a space for himself at the foot of her bed, but beyond that, he made no overt moves towards her.

"Feeling better?" it was a simple question yet her face flamed when she tried to summon the words to defy him; they refused to come.

Caster's gaze was silently drawn to his marked hand as she raised the glass to her lips and polished off the last of her meal. She acknowledged him as her Master this much was true. Even without the leylines _-or that of a certain temple-_ to bolster her reserves, he provided her with adequate prana to sustain her physical form. No, more than that; it was as if he were a bottomless pit! Her workshop wasn't even constructed yet; nor had she revealed her plans to attempt to circumvent the grail with her own sorcery. She wasn't even sure she should.

Yet she owed him her life.

He'd taken her in without so much as a second thought, nor had he object to forming a contract with her. He had accommodated her in every conceivable way despite his-seemingly-limited means. Never let it be said that he had done otherwise. And yet! AND YET!

...who are you, exactly? What are you intentions in this war?" There. She'd said it. Best to clear the air now, lest he get any...ideas.

"Naruto." A jaw-popping yawn answered her, and then, "Don't have any."

Medea nearly choked on her drink.

"You have no intention of doing battle?" she swallowed and sputtered at him, aghast. For someone to be chosen for the Holy Grail war, yet to have no interest in it...such a thing was unheard of.

"Not really, no." Naruto confessed. "I just don't have it in me to pick a fight, really."

"But that's...

His hand rose, silencing her protests.

"Look I know enough about these Holy Grail Wars to say this: I'm not interested." his words held no particular empathy, or any real emotion, even. "In them, or the wish. If you want to hare off and fight someone, that's on you. You're free to do with the Grail as you please, assuming you win. Just leave me out of it."

"Surely you must desire something-

"I just want a normal life." came the rejoinder, those harsh blue eyes pinning her where she sat. "What's so wrong with that?"

With that, Medea came to the conclusion that had escaped her last night. A horrid epiphany dawned on her as she met that bleary gaze. She should've realized it earlier; nay, should have known the moment they forged a contract, the moment his mind was opened to hers. Naruto was not a mage. Not a madman. Not even terribly clever, by his own admission. Here was someone who was quite content to live out the rest of his life in simple and quiet mediocrity, and coincidentally, she'd chosen the one person that may well deliver absolute victory into her hands...or crushing defeat. She wasn't sure whether to laugh, or to cry.

To her own quiet dismay, a small, disbelieving laugh burst of Medea. "Ha! Oh...this is...I can't even...ha!"

Her Master-no, Naruto!-arched a blond brow in mild confusion. _"What the actual hell."_

Medea shook her head, sending her violet hair swaying wildly.

"To think that you'd actually just _give_ the Grail to me...!

He tilted his head. "You alright there...?"

No. no she was most assuredly not alright. She very much doubted that she would be for quite some time. To meet someone who would show her such kindness was one thing; to learn that he had absolutely no desire for the Grail and would give it to her, nay, actively go out of his way to make certain that she knew this, even when it put him at at a distinct disadvantage in any further negotiations...it boggled the mind. Was refreshing for her, even. It stirred something in her, something she hadn't expected to feel again for a very long time. Now she understood what she'd been missing all this time...her master had no ambition. None whatsoever.

Not in the least. Not. At. All. Nope.

In that moment, she made her decision.

 _Well. That settles it, then. Naruto...you will be mine._

 **A/N: Author's note down here is the same as last time, so feel free to skip it.**

 **Previews as different, though~!**

 **Feels good to give Medea some justice, considering I screwed her in A Most Unlikely Caster.**

 **Alright, fuck it.**

 **Shirou's going to get his own story with Medea eventually but I feel that needs more time to craft than I have at the moment. I want that to be a bloody masterpiece. After all, THAT may well be the first and only pure Fate story that I write.**

 **Now, then.**

 **I'll say it plain, this isn't going to go the way many of you think. For one? Naruto's biggest handicap in this war isn't an enemy Servant or even an enemy servant. It isn't Gilgamesh or Saber, or even the Holy Grail at that.**

 _Its himself._

 **That's right. You heard me. Think of Yoshikage Kira of Jojo's Bizzarre Adventure, minus the hand fetish and urge to murder. He has no interest in wars or wishes, in fame or glory, or even ending his existence. He is immortal ONLY in the sense that his body ceased aging long ago. Physically, he can be killed, his regeneration overwhelmed. Chop his head off? He's dead. Tear him apart? Dead. Stab him through the heart? DEAD. He's quite aware of this, alas, anything short of the three we just mentioned simply won't end his life.**

 **Really, he'd be quite happy to wander the world or spend the day lazing about in the sun.**

 **That aside, he's quite content living a normal, peaceful existence...**

 **...until a certain Caster stumbled through his door.**

 **So In the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

 **...Review...Would You Kindly?**

 **And enjoy the previews!**

 **Potential ones at that.**

 **Who is it, I wonder?**

 **(Previews!)**

 _"If you're going to be like this then I have no need of a contract with you!"_

 _At first he was silent; incredibly, he beckoned at her, crooking four of his fingers in a come-hither motion. "Come at me."_

 _Medea actually blinked. "You must be joking."_

* * *

 _"Sorry, can't let ya hurt Caster..._

 _The Servant swore softly as he climbed back to his feet._

 _...I've gotten a bit attached, you see." Whiskered cheeks dimpled._

 _Blue eyes snapped into scarlet and then, quite suddenly, without any warning..._

 _...there was pain. Aghast, they looked down, startled to find a clenched fist wedged in their stomach._

* * *

 _A hand settled on her shoulder, staying her hand._

 _"Hey, now. No need to blow up the entire city or anything..._

 _Medea considering cursing him, but thought better of it at the last. She daren't take her eyes off the prone Servant sprawled before them, lest they escape. Still, after last night's...incident, she was loathe to risk provoking her own Master lest he turn that quiet wrath upon her. She'd already seen what he could do if pushed too far. Instead she-reluctantly!-shook off his palm and settled for a waspish retort._

 _"Why, whatever do you mean, Naruto-sama?"_

 _"Aaaaand there it is. Jeez you're scary."_

 **R &R~!**


	3. Day Two (Interlude)

**A/N: A MAN LIVES!**

 **A MAN LIMPS BACK FROM SURGERY!**

 **A MAN RETURNS FROM THE DEAD TO RIDE AGAIN!**

 **As ever, reviews are fuel in my tank and a spring in my step-well, such as it is with a ruined leg-and I thank you for all of them.** **I'm so jazzed up by all this positivity up in here that I wanted to get a third chapter out for you guys as soon as possible, even if it came in the form of an interlude. I've had a few people gripe at me for these long authors notes, so I'll keep this short.**

 **Now, onto the questions:**

 **Three should do.**

 **Q: Naruto's a right lazy bastard, isn't he?**

 **We leaping into the war already?!**

 **A: Immortality will do that to you. But he can take things seriously when he wants to...sometimes...sort of...**

 **Q: How hard is Medea going to try to seduce Naruto?**

 **A: ...can't even put it into words.**

 **Q: How much longer will we have these slice-of-life chapters?**

 **A: Not much longer. Each chatper covers a "Day" of sorts, and the start of the war is fast approaching...and YES I forgot to mention the truth-seeking balls. That was a typo and I kindly ask that you ignore it until I can get around to taking care of that.**

 **Now, away we go!**

 **Sorry if its shorter than usual, I'm not feeling the best at the moment...**

 _"TRAINING BEGINS NOW~!"_

 _~?_

 **Day Two (Interlude)**

He was toying with her.

On a certain level Medea knew she'd been had; but she was utterly powerless to do anything about it.

An open palm barreled toward her and she skittered backward like a drunken crab, only to be forced to leap upright into the air as a spinning kick devastated her guard. She struck viciously in recompense for his temerity but her strike was clumsy by a comparison and batted aside as one would a child's punch. Her first mistake was not pressing the offensive; the second was taking flight in an effort to escape the assault and the shame he inflicted upon her. As to the third, well...

...she shouldn't have _stayed_ in the air.

Even as she ascended a hand closed around her ankle and yanked her back down. Morning sunlight flashed across her face, blinding her, and for a moment she reeled in the air. A soft tap on the back of her shoulder sent her sprawling back to the floor, her cheeks flushed with shame. Flicking a bead of sweat from her brow she bounded backward, bouncing on her heels, only for her foe to scissor her legs and send her sprawling once more in spite of all her moxy. When the witch tried to rise he gently tugged on her ponytail.

"That...you cheated!" she declared, rounding on the perpetrator with a hiss. "The sun was in my eyes. You pulled my hair! After you told me to pin it up and everything!"

"You left your back open." her Master's voice echoed, bounding off the walls of the open temple. "Now, again. Keep your guard up this time."

With a long-suffering sigh born of both patience and infatuation, Medea climbed back to her feet and lunged at him.

"I'll get you this time, I swear~!"

"If you say so."

Naruto's only response was a jaw-popping yawn; somehow this motivated her all the more. When Medea charged at him he simply swayed backward and delivered a devastating headbutt to her forehead. Her world spun like a tilted top, leaving her to stagger away. If her lazy bastard of a master wouldn't take this session seriously-one he'd suggested no less-then she'd make him. One way or another. Something told her that she would be struggling for quite some time yet.

How had it come this?!

When he'd allowed her to lead him to Ryudo temple she'd thought he was finally taking thing seriously.

That he would finally _get off his ass_ and take an active part in events to come. He'd certainly shooed the monks out of here readily enough.

Yes, her Master had offered no protest to any of her plans; indeed; he'd been downright silent when she'd discovered the Greater Grail in the caverns below. Still, he hadn't argued, even when she'd revealed her intent to use it for her own machinations. Tomorrow she would attempt to subvert the system and summon a Servant-possibly a wraith-to be bound by the gate. A pseudo-servant of sorts, one meant to further tip the balance of the War in their favor.

Naruto did not deny her this either.

Why should he? He claimed no friends, and professed to have no living family. And yet! And yet, Medea had the distinct feeling he was humoring her; as grandparent might their grandchild. As though he were allowing her to do as she pleased, all the while keeping a lazy on eye on her. No no no! Unacceptable! She was in control here! Not him! She rejected this reality and substituted it with her own!

So when he'd abruptly asked for a friendly spar she was almost eager to oblige him.

That had been three hours ago.

Three solid hours that had left her bruised, battered and _sore_ in places she didn't even know she had. Why did he insist on perpetuating this farce? She saw no benefit in this, yet her stubborn pride prevailed and still she struggled on, trying to hit him. Why couldn't she use her spells?! She would've bested him long ago if she were allowed to...!

"Come at me again." As though sensing that very thought Naruto beckoned at her, crooking four of his fingers in a come-hither motion. "Remember, no magic."

Medea actually blinked at that remark. "You must be joking. What purpose does this serve?"

...no." His expression didn't waver. "Not about this."

"Why are we even bother with this anyway?!"

"Frankly?" His head tilted. "You suck."

"Excuse me?!

Then her Master blurred.

A gust of wind was Medea's first and only

"You rely too much on your magic." it was more statement than a condemnation, tried and true as he slipped through her guard to flick her forehead. "Without it, what are you?" her hands flew to her face and he jabbed her in the arm with a finger. "Defenseless. If someone ever closes with you, you won't be able to get away, much less use your spells in time. That's why I need to teach you this." a flicker of rare emotion danced through his hooded gaze, a dull ember of pain cooled by years of solitude. "Without these lessons...you'll die. I am so, so, _so_ sick of seeing people die for me. So I won't let you."

Then he fell upon her anew.

THUNK.

Taut fingers chopped her on the head. "Use the unorthodox."

THUNK.

His elbow slammed into her side, sending her spinning. "Don't think. Feel."

THUNK.

She bounded upright, only to find her legs swept again as kicked out at his chest. "Good! Faster! Destroy my focus!"

"Stooooooooop~!"

In a fit of pique Medea flung herself away from her Master and brandished Rule Breaker at him; no to attack, but rather, to make a point. To show that she _did_ have a weapon for close combat. She had no intention of using it on him. He still stole it from her in less than a second; a quick slap on the wrist, followed by a blow to her solar plexus and the twisted dagger shout of her grasp like a greased eel. A horrified gasp stole out of her before she planted a hand over her mouth to stifle it. Fool! Did he not realize what that dagger was?! If he cut himself with it he'd sever their contract!

"That's mine!" she cried! "Give it back!"

"I will." the whiskered warrior reassured, turning away from her to plant the twisted weapon point first at his feet. "When you land a blow on me-

A stray pebble struck the back of his head.

Naruto twitched and rounded on her. "Really? Isn't that a little petty?"

In hindsight it might have been petty of Medea to do such a thing. She'd been told not to use her magic for the duration of this...what was it? A duel? Spar? Bah! Yet in a fit of pique, her nerves frayed and tattered from all of half-a-day's humiliation, she'd thrown a rock at him when he wasn't looking. She knew at once that she hadn't hurt him, oh no. It was the disappointment that burned her so. There was no anger in those cerulean orbs-no hatred or fury, or even spite at that. Just the weight of silent judgement.

Medea forced a smile. "That counts."

Something hardened in his gaze.

"Have it your way then."

She was no slouch when it came to combat; while her talents didn't lay in the physical realm, as a Servant she was still many times stronger than the average human being. In terms of pure prana, she was a force to be reckoned with, even putting her own lack of pure physical power aside. Thus it came as something of a surprise, yes, quite a surprise indeed, when Medea's master handed her ass to her for the umpteenth time. Even as her fist grazed his cheek, she found herself defeated.

Completely. Utterly. Wholeheartedly.

In a single heartbeat he crossed the distance between the two of them and drove a clenched fist into her stomach. No. Not her stomach, she realized. He'd stopped at the last moment, bare knuckles brushing her stomach and the thin fabric shielding it. Coward. Did he really think there was anything to be gained in holding back against her when she'd already seen that move _-ack?!_ All at once the concussive force of his punch caught up with them and doubled her over, folding her body nearly in half and did the work for him. It knocked the wind right out of her and sent her tumbling to the floor.

Crashing down on her rear, the Witch of Betrayal favored him with a disbelieving scowl. "How do you keep doing that?!"

"Centuries of experience." her Master handed the dagger back to her and she accepted it petulantly. "Although...

Warm lips graced her forehead and her entire face turned red as a tomato.

...you certainly tried that time."

Play that way would he?!

 _'This means war!'_

Growling softly, Medea picked herself back up. Naruto favored her with a bemused look, his expression torn somewhere between surprise and pleased amusement. When the Witch of Betrayal laid down her dagger and yet again took up a stance, that amusement morphed into genuine intrigue. Good. She'd caught his attention. Now she aimed to keep it. A small, infinitesimal part of her was pleased to have drawn some semblance of affection from him. Excellent. When she was done with him, he wouldn't look at anyone but her, so she swore. And the rest? The rest of her just wanted to swipe that smug smile off his face and knock his ass into the dirt.

"Again." she declared.

Naruto grinned.

"That's the spirit~!"

Before long they were both laughing.

 **A/N: So...very...tired...must keep...writing...**

 **Nearly had a triple update here, but I missed the window by a few hours.**

 **WRRRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYY!**

 **Let it not be said that two jobs don't pay well. They do. I've got a steady income now and I'm able to pay off a lot more bills than before. The only downside is that that I LITERALLY worked myself to the brink of exhaustion the other day and passed out. Oops? Guess that's the Irish in me, I can be right and proper stubborn when I want to be. These "Double Updates" where I post a new chapter for two different stories are solid proof of that I suppose.**

 **When a man wants to write, a man will write and woe to whatever tries to stop him once he puts pen to paper.**

 **What can I say, it helps me get through a shift knowing I have reviews to come back to.**

 **Perhaps that's silly of me, but it helps me get through the day.**

 **So In the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

 **...Review...Would You Kindly?**

 **And enjoy the previews!**

 **Potential ones at that.**

 **Who is it, I wonder?**

 **(Previews!)**

 _Medea blinked into the smoke._

 _Oh dear._

 _Naruto joined her in silent consternation._

 _"Did you...ah, mean to summon her?" he asked._

 _Medea flung a shock rune at his feet and zapped him for it._

 _"Ow!"_

* * *

 _"Fool! You're human! Don't fight! You'll die!"_

 _Lancer heard Caster shout these words at her Master; registered them, even as he barreled forward. They still didn't prepare him for what followed. The blow meant for her lungs pierced naught but empty air as the blond spun her away and out of his arms like a broken ballerina. That he could allow. It was fun seeing the Witch turn pink from embarassment._

 _But the other hand had caught his spear. Caught it! With him still holding it no less!_

 _"Shit. This is going to hurt, ain't it?"_

 _"Immeasurably."_

* * *

 _"Miserable, ain't it?" as she looked on, her Master offered a sheepish shrug. "I know a thing or two about despair."_

 _Medea gaped at him for a long moment, her mouth working wordlessly._

 _Then she took three sharp steps forward._

 _"You absolute...unutterable fool...!"_

 _And crushed her mouth to his._

 **R &R~!**


	4. Day Three

**A/N: *EDIT***

 **Washed up, am I? A writer of nothing but tripe and faded trash?**

 **Afraid to leave my comfortable corner and write other stories besides Fate?**

 **...really? I thought we were past this. Apparently note. I don't know what else to say at this point. I just pushed out four updates in four days. No, wait, this makes SEVEN updates in four days now if you count my update of Fear Not This Night.** **I AM writing other stuff besides Fate. There. I've said it. Now stop telling me to die, and for the love of god, stop with the death threats. If this keeps up I am sodding LEAVING.**

 **You want me to do that again?**

 **I'm not kidding. I already vanished for a year awhile ago. I have life outside of this site now; a life involving a young nephew, two jobs and absolutely FUCK ALL because I have responsibilities these days, responsibilities I can't simply set aside. I write in my free time. I do not get paid for any of it. I do not accept commissions, only requests.**

 **Now, I'm not begging for reviews here. I'm grateful for every kind word and criticism I get. But its when folks curse and threaten me that I begin to lose my temper.**

 **Anyway, I'm off to work another double. Looking forward to your reviews when I get back.**

 **Here. Another update. Out of spite for the trolls. Enjoy it. Have at ye.**

 **Reviews are love. Reviews are life. Reviews make me strive.**

 **As ever, this will be gone in _two days_ if folks don't like it.**

 **References are glorious and I own nothing~!**

 **Its about to get heavy.**

 _"I've done this before. You can't surprise me."_

 _"We'll just see about that. C'mon then, pup. Lets dance."_

 _~?_

 **A Most Unlikely Encounter**

 _All was in readiness._

Medea bit her tongue as she carefully finished tracing the circle and inscribing the proper runes upon its surface. She heard not the sounds of the night, the steady hum of the Leyline beneath her, or even her own breath; so focused was she on the task at hand. She had been exacting in her preparations, ever so careful in her minute machinations.

Indeed, Caster had spared no expense to conduct this ritual.

What she hadn't been able to find, her Master had reluctantly provided himself.

It had been the fretful work of nearly a day, but now that day was nigh done and so too was she. The blood of an immortal was a powerful catalyst and had only served to strengthen her efforts. This was a subversion of the system, the blackest of arts made manifest by her express will against that of the Greater Grail. Her magic hailed from the Age of the Gods, after all. Theirs was paltry by comparison. A spell such as this-summoning a Servant into a class that had yet to be filled-proved far easier for her than it would most Casters.

Still, she was careful.

Medea knew what would happen if she screwed up somehow; the Holy Grail did not take kindly to meddling. At best, she'd be returned to the throne. At worst, her death would be...painful. As a Servant with a Master, she wasn't allowed to summon at all. Let alone pull shenanigans such as these. Yes, she had to be terribly, horribly careful or she ran the risking of erasing herself. Naruto might even mourn her.

"You're sure about this?" Ah! Speak of the devil. "This looks...unsafe."

She flicked a bead of sweat from her brow. "Nothing in life is safe. You of all people know that."

He grunted. "Fair enough. But if this goes south, I'm pulling you out." it was not a question, but a declaration.

Medea clicked her tongue at him. "It won't "go south" as you say. I know what I'm doing. This...this is going to be glorious."

"You know

Now, Naruto was many things-made eccentric by the passage of time, lazier than an unmotivated Nara, and thrice as flighty. But he wasn't stupid. He'd taken one look at the circle she'd scrawled for herself on the temple grounds and spoke his mind immediately. Good. Despite her own fears, Medea caught herself smiling. He actually used his brain. She liked that in a man; moreso a partner. He treated her not as a Servant, but as one on an equal footing with him. Oh, he could be a right ass at times, but it was the little things. Made a girl feel loved, it did.

Sure, he understood the enormity of what she was attempting, but he didn't interfere all the same.

Rather he simply stood guard, a silent sentinel watching over her. Almost heartwarming, that.

But he'd leap in the moment something went wrong, and Medea positively adored it.

"You don't have to watch me that closely." she chided as he crouched beside her. "I won't be finished her for another fifteen minutes at least."

He laid a hand on her shoulder and she sucked in a sharp breath as her faltering reserves flooded themselves to the brim. Well, now!

"I...thank you." she managed hesitantly.

Naruto hummed in response. "Don't mention it."

A flare of prana caught her attention, shattering the moment like brittle glass.

"What on earth...?"

 _Not good._

Baffled by the sudden surge-it certainly hadn't come from the circle!-the witch craned her neck towards the gate.

And the earth trembled.

Someone or something had just tripped one of her bounded fields at the base of the mountain. Then, as if realizing what they'd done-instantly aware of her scrutiny-they tore through the next with sound and aplomb. And another. Yet another still. Realization dawned. An attack then. Whomever they were, they'd tried to slip up the path and reach the long steps unnoticed. When that failed, when they were detected, they abandoned any an' all pretense of stealth altogether. Still, for them to attack now, in the hour of the wolf...

They knew what she was trying to do.

It was the only logical explanation; someone knew what she was trying to do and sought to stop her before she could complete her task, lest she realize her goal. They had terrible timing. Another sour bead of sweat raced down her brow-one her Master kindly wiped away-as the circle began to glow under her palms. Even on a Leyline and with Naruto's mana to support her, Medea felt a rare pang of dread. This was all wrong. Timing aside-it was too suspect. Their intruder had tried to slip through and only when that failed did they outright smash through her wards.

Spirits, that shouldn't be possible-

WHUMP.

Naruto sucked in a sharp breath and absolutely _hissed._

"Something just popped the five clones I had guarding the steps."

"What is it?" Medea winced as everything shook, the very earth rattling underfoot.

Rather than answer, her Master stood and craned his neck in the direction of the explosion.

"I can't move." her voice rose in a low warning. "If I take both hands off the circle now, it will destabilize."

...I know."

Medea experienced a secondary chill as she watched him pry a short-sword free from his belt and gaze intently towards the winding staircase leading down the mountain. He was going to go down there, she realized. He'd likely encounter whatever was trying to come up _here_ which was almost certainly a Servant. And all he had was that weapon. He would be fine, she told herself. He was strong. Stronger than strong. Nothing would be able to kill him if he didn't want to be killed. Another tremor and the fear returned, gnawing at her heart like a shark. This might be the last time she saw him alive.

"Wait!"

Prying a hand free while the other maintained its grasp on the circle, Medea reached out and seized her Master by the wrist. Enhancement magic flowed from her and into his body, burgeoning his already stellar strengths to an even higher level. Never one to relinquish an advantage, she seized on the opportunity and reeled him in like a fish, crushing her mouth against his. Naruto could've resisted, but he was startled by the sudden tug as much as the mana that strengthened his muscles and hardened his skin. Or perhaps he simply allowed her to do as she pleased.

His dumbfounded expression said otherwise.

"For luck." She fought down a flush. "Don't die. I forbid you from dying."

His lips quirked in a slight smile as she gripped him. "Pretty sure that's not how it works."

"Yes it does!' she shouted over him, giving his chest a shove. "Now, shoo! I have work to do. And remember what I said!"

To his credit, Naruto didn't argue further. Snapping off a snarky salute, he turned back toward the gate and _blurred._ She couldn't call it anything else. One moment he was with her, then his body simply _tensed_ and he was gone in a wild blur of gold-on-black. A distant pop in the back of her ears made her blink. My, he was fast. How _did_ he do that? This warranted further study. Study that involved lack of clothing.

As if waiting for his absence, the circle responded to Medea all at once.

She frowned. "That's not right, it shouldn't be ready yet-

Light built and swelled like a stifled geyser beneath her hands, gathering only to release itself all at once. A coruscating surge of blinding brilliance that scoured all before it in a great and cleansing wave. She couldn't stare directly into it, no matter how much she might long to. In the end she was forced to look away lest she lose her sight altogether. Anticipation soared high in her chest as she waited.

With luck, she might even be able to send them after Naruto.

And then, as the smoke finally cleared, she saw them:

 _"Oh, what fresh hell is this?!"_

* * *

 _(...0o0o0...)_

* * *

Naruto shot down the steps like a bolt of greased lightning.

Each step was calculated; made to avoid the careful traps he'd erected on the stone pathway. This was a killing ground. One wrong step could trigger a seal or an explosion, a pitfall or even a rain of kunai. And those were among the most basic ones he'd erected. The worst lay at the lower elevations, designed to kill as much as repel. Chakra was a versatile construct, and he'd had ages to perfect his trade. You'd need multiple lives at least if you wanted to get through those; barring that, you'd need serious agility and seeing as this wasn't a video game-

THWOOM!

A distant blast drew a lazy look.

"Oh, c'mon! I just set those up! Damnit!"

If the encroaching Servant heard him, they gave no sign.

Only then did the distant scent of smoke reach the blond's nose.

Despite his best efforts to remain calm, a muscle jumped in Naruto's jaw. It had been shaping up to be such a lovely evening, too. Now it was all ruined. He'd been almost...curious to see just what or whom Caster-Medea-would summon on the temple grounds. He hadn't been expecting a fight; hadn't even bothered to kit himself out properly. Medea's enhancement magic served as an admirable stopgap, but he would've preferred to have some semblance of a plan before everything went to hell...he just hadn't expected it to happen so quickly.

Another clone popped without seeing its foe.

Of course, that didn't mean he was without weapons.

A true ninja was never unarmed, even in their darkest moments.

"Fine." he growled, the sound low and deep in his throat. "You wanna be that way?"

A lone thumb rose to his mouth where he then bit down _hard,_ drawing blood alongside a thin thread of chakra. Hmm. Using this brought back memories. In a single smooth movement he took that same bloodied hand and slammed it down upon the ground to create a rich black web of sealing script beneath his palm.

"Summoning!"

Scarce had he spoken than a plume of white smoke and gave way to the familiar shape of a frog roughly the size of his palm.

"Yo!" the small, crimson creature greeted him with a cheery wave. "Been awhile, Naruto! Is it that time already?"

"It is." he felt a strange, resigned sorrow about this. "You know what to do. Tell Ma and Pa I said hi."

"Roger!" It vanished with a happy croak once more.

 _...lets see how our guest likes burning oil.'_

One might deem such a technique excessive; once, Naruto might have agreed with them. Now? As he watched a wave of scalding fluid how into existence, as he heard something howl, he wasn't sure it would be enough. Because there _was_ something out there. He didn't know what or who, only that there was. Summoning the larger summons would be foolish here; with so many trees and such a narrow path, there was nearly no room to maneuver. That was precisely what made it such a devastating kill-zone. A veritable no man's land.

There was only one path leading to the temple; to Medea's inner sanctum.

It led through him, and through no other.

He waited for thirty seconds, watching the oil simmer and burn, slamming down over the mountain like a great wave. A minute passed. Two. Still, the unlikely Master remained rooted where he stood as the oil shriveled up and faded away. Now that it knew he was lying in wait, the intruder seemed content to approach at a more sedate pace. There was no hurry. No rush. He could even hear their footsteps now.

Finally he glimpsed them in the distance, their body still smoking from the oil, though they yet climbed the steps.

As they drew closer his unease continued to mount.

When they actually, reached him...well.

He saw himself. His face.

Red eyes like those of a beast gazed back at him, crinkling slightly in a cruel smile. Framed by a dirty face, whiskered cheeks, and hair in desperate need of a trim. Clad in a dark cloak and animal skins, yes, but that was most assuredly his visage; despite the lean set of his jaw, nor the peculiar gleam in his eye. His face. That was most certainly him, yet not him.

It was like looking in a mirror.

Alright, a broken mirror, cracked and stained with filth.

Hmm. On second thought, he didn't like the resemblance at all.

He tilted his head and the newcomer matched him move for maddening move.

 **"So that's what I look like,"** damnit, not his voice, too! **"Not a bad face. You made me _work_ to get here."**

That tore it.

"Alright, what the hell?" the ageless Master growled. "Who are you?"

 **"I'm your future."** the newcomer beamed.

 _"Bullshit."_

A brief bout of laughter greeted him, yet his doppelganger made no move to climb the stairs. Not that Naruto would've let him. He had the high ground; and no intention of relinquishing it. Whatever-whomever!-this foul creature was, it wouldn't be getting past him. That unnerving chuckle only served to further reaffirm his intent. If this was an illusion, then he'd smash it. If this creature-this _thing_ pretending to be a man-actually existed

He would not pass.

"Who. Are. You." the words were a snarl. "I won't ask again."

His doppelganger smiled again, a smile entirely too wide for his liking.

 **"Poor Master. Seems you didn't quite get the memo."** sharp teeth flashed out at him in the night's gloom, and for a moment he thought they gleamed with blood. **"Why am I not surprised? You're the laziest of the bunch. All that power, all that strength, but no ambition. What would you care about a little 'ol Beast like me? Tell me, what _does_ Medea see in you? That witch could do so much better. ****It'd be easier if you two surrendered. For what its worth, I always hated you the least."**

Something in his soul froze. "Leave her out of this."

 **"No,"** the stranger shook their head, **"I don't think I will. Did you know I've killed and corrupted two different incarnations of her already? Neither gave me the answers I wanted. Perhaps this one will, you think. Third time's the charm, or so they say. Would you like to meet them-HEY?!"**

His fist crashed into his stomach before it could finish, driving the wind from his lungs and bending him double over his right arm. Even as the creature coughed in surprise, Naruto chambered a kick and smashed it against the abomination's face. It spun away with a laugh as he dragged its face into a knee. Quick as a flash it spun, raking a clawed hand across his face. Pain roared across his right eye and he ducked under a kick, blinding him to a hammerfirst half a heartbeat before it slammed into the back of his head.

 **"That was rude."** A booted foot cannoned into the side of his face, flinging him down the steps. **"I was talking. You don't see _me_ interrupting your monologue, do you? I'm just a copy, but that's plain insulting!"**

He didn't even shift when the earth erupted behind him, smoothly flowing into a stinging back-fist.

 **"You...really don't get it, do you?!"** laughter greeted him as he watched his fellow incarnation stumbled up the steps. **"You can't kill me! Punch all you like! I'll just keep getting back up again!"**

Naruto snapped into a stance, eyes blazing gold.

Beast mirrored him instantly.

 **"Seriously?"** it groaned, exhaling with the long-suffering sigh of someone who'd fought this battle countless times already. **"We're actually going to do this? Here? Now? I've done this dance before with some of your brothers since my little...operation."** it was a taunt as much as a statement as a Rasengan glanced harmlessly off his chest. **"They all lost. Cutting into your soul works WONDERS, wouldn't you agree? I don't feel guilty about any of this! Nothing at all!"** his arms spread wide, as though to embrace the heavens above. **"It wonderful! I can kill and kill and keep on killing and finally have my revenge!"**

There it was; this disconnect.

The sudden and stinging realization that this thing-this impostor!-wasn't him, should've been relieving. Instead, it only made him angrier. It was wearing his face. Threatening him. Mocking him. Laughing at him. When he drew further on Kurama's chakra and blitzed him again, he found himself repulsed yet again, beaten back with almost punitive ease. When he tried to withdraw and rely on jutsu, Beast pursued him relentless, not giving him even the split second he needed to form a clone or muster an offense. A kernel of concern planted itself in his gut.

Still he fought on.

"I...don't care. You're not me."

The creature's jaw snapped open in response.

 **"Do you really think false bravado will save you?!"**

A swell of dark light burst from his maw; a tailed beast bomb as instant as it was deadly and far, _far_ larger than it ever had any right to be. Naruto's hands snapped up, palms braced apart, and the air _twisted_ between the two of them as the all-consuming blast found itself...somewhere else. An outside observer would've sworn they'd seen it _sink_ into the mere moments before detonation. Not a heartbeat later it detonated in the clouds, well above their heads to turn the night silent.

 **"Oh, that's cute."** Beast sneered as the light cast them in her shadow. **"You can use seals. As if that'll stop anything."**

"As a matter of fact?" The ground trembled underfoot again. "I think they can."

 **"More words!"**

It lunged at him again, stabbing at his chest with clawed hands. This time, he didn't deign to move.

Jagged tips cut deep into flesh; then blood, piecing bone and cartilage and...smoke? Rather than victory he saw only stars and smoke as something struck him from behind. His knees buckled, forcing him to collapse onto all fours as a dense bank of fog swept in seemingly of its own volition. When he looked for him, both the original and the clones alike had vanished into the thick steam.

 **"A shadow clone _and_ a mist jutsu?!" **he rubbed at his face, **"That's just cheap!"**

"Is it? I call it being a ninja. Seems you've forgotten."

When the earth split beneath them, the true Master was nowhere to be seen. Beast failed to make that leap of logic; by the time he realized his true peril, it was already too late. When he tried to jump away, a booted foot crashed into his skull and sent him shrieking down into the pit. At least, he assumed it to be a pit, of some sort. That logic died a swift, guttering death as he beheld the looming walls even now rising around him. He was still falling, but to what effect? He looked up, and up, and up again, robes fluttering around him as he plummeted to his doom.

And then he saw.

No, it was then that he _knew._

A yawning abyss flaked with explosive tags as far and deep as the eye could see.

And he was, even now, still falling into it. He could barely glimpse that speck of gold at the top.

"I had this trap prepared for a Berserker." Master's voice rang down at him, smug in its satisfaction, a lone hand already forming a seal, one the fallen warrior could no longer see. "Took me a month to set up, and its not something I'll be able to use it again. But for you? It'll do. Now, then, what was the word Deidara liked to use. Oh! I remember. You said you were a copy, didn't you? Tell your Master I said hello."

He grinned.

 _"Katsu."_

Beast swore.

 **"Oh, you cheeky little-**

And his world burned with cold fury.

 **A/N: Bam! Another update for you all.**

 **Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand there we have it, folks.**

 **As requested, we finally had the kiss scene at long last.**

 **Go ahead, guess what Medea summoned in your reviews. By all means. Winner might get something.**

 **This chapter had it all; wit, charm, and a fair dose of harm. There we are. I'd like to see someone complain about THIS Naruto. He's actually taking the war seriously. I swear, if I hear someone say he's acting like "NGH" Naruto, I'm going to throw something. Seriously. Some stories are lighter than others, some are dark. Some are a blend of both. Excuse me for trying to switch things up every now and again. Not like I spent blood sweat and tears writing this.**

 **Oh Beast, you really shouldn't have gone and done that. Now you've gotta suffer.**

 **Rosters are still open so by all means, cast your votes for the Servants.**

 **So...in the immortal words of Atlas.** **..Review...Would Ya Kindly?**

 **Reviews are love. Reviews are life. Reviews make me strive.**

 **As ever, this will be gone in _ two days _if folks don't like it.**

 **References are glorious and I own nothing~!**

 **Fine, fine, a preview for you.**

 **Hope it makes you smile!**

 **References ahoy!**

 **(Preview)**

 _"Its over! I have the high ground!"_

 _"You underestimate my power!"_

 _"Don't try it, idiot!"_

* * *

 _Archer twitched._

 _"Excuse me if I don't get up."_

* * *

 _She wanted to cry._

 _Medea buried her face into her hands._

 _"Of all the things I could've summoned, why was it you?!"_

* * *

 _"Careful friend, wouldn't want your lady to get hurt now, would we?"_

 **R &R! =D**


	5. Day Four (Prelude to War)

**A/N: Happy Birthday to me~!**

 **Eh, a very LATE birthday at that, given I'm finally back online.**

 **Sorry for disappearing like that, my internet went out for an ungodly amount of time. In other news, FGO's been both good and bad to me, but I've managed to get all the Servants I want-Scathach, Melt, Altera, etc-on either my main or my backup account, so I'm content for the time being. Which is good, considering that bloody tower event is right around the corner and all the hell that comes with it. But still! I'm safe! No need to roll! I can resist!**

 **...what's that? Semiramis? February? Lalalalala can't hear you!**

 **In other news, you can all expect a pseudo-update of sorts for A Most Unlikely Berserker soon, followed by a proper one soon thereafter. Time and again, those chapters take a lot of time to write, because they are LONG.**

 **References are references, because this chapter was a blast to write, short as it is.**

 **Credit where credit is due, I own nothing, yadda yadda...**

 **Kudos if you guess who the Rider of this war is.**

 **Ought to be bloody obvious, though...**

 _"Life is rarely what one might expect._

 _Ah, but that's what makes it precious, you see._

 _Those little moments. The unexpected surprises in our lives._

 _Hold them close, little witch. Cling to them. Treasure them. Cherish them._

 _In the end, they may yet prove to be your salvation...even when all else seems lost."_

 _~?_

 **Day Four (Prelude to War)**

...still alive, eh?"

Staring down into the great gaping chasm he'd created, humanity's laziest Master warily regarded the now-silent pitfall with mild surprise. Nearly fifteen minutes of continuous, sustained explosions had rendered the base of the mountain an unrecognizable mess of hot slag and ruined earth; a smoldering ruin that would seemingly vanish overnight, with none the wiser. The trap had been sprung. A pit made to kill the strongest, most foolish of Servants and their ilk, reinforced by Medea's own magic alongside the most potent explosives mankind had ever seen. A ruse meant to entrap Berserker, yet they'd unleashed it on a false Servant claiming to be a Beast instead.

And yet, despite this, or perhaps in spite of it, he'd survived...if only just.

Which begged the question: how the devil was that _thing_ still breathing after all that?

If the abyss held any answers for him, it was loathe to give them. Fine. He was feeling particularly pugnacious anyway.

Hot air scorched the back of Naruto's throat as he began his long-waited descent into the blasted wasteland. A sullen sigh slipped out into the night in a silent plume of smoldering steam as he gazed down into the pit; rather, as he watched the wretched and wounded creature that had once laid claim to such a pretentious title now crawl out of it like the rat it was. There was no need to hurry. His target wouldn't be going anywhere, not after that last blast. Whereas before, a touch of pride would have stayed his hand, now...well. Seeing was believing, as the saying went.

 **"DAMN YOU! Look what you've done to me!"**

With skin blackened and blistered by horrific burns, the pretender screamed at him, this so-called Beast now reduced to human form once more. With flesh scorched and skin scarred, it resembled little more than a ruined puppet, wasted and gasping for air as it clung onto life. Flopping to the dirt like a dying carp, it raised a lone arm in Naruto's direction. It had no more limbs to avail it. Sure enough, a vortex of light-yet another bijudama-gathered at its outstretched palm, howling in nameless fury, burning brighter with each passing second-

It never had the chance to fire.

Instead, the creature that once called itself "Naruto" croaked in surprise as the original silently blurred towards his unprotected flank. There was no flicker, no warning, no pretense of pain or any such thing; no chance to even think of defending himself. One moment he'd gathered up the last of his reserves for one final, desperate assault. In the next an open hand closed around the tailed beast bomb and squeezed. With that simple, final gesture of contempt, the impostor's last desperate attack guttered out as his attention fractured and shattered, stealing away the last of its energy with its demise.

"Well." he croaked out, a bead of swat running the length of his scorched brow. "Errors have been made. "

Pearly white teeth flashed out at him in the gloom. "Buddy...you don't know the half of it."

Panicking, the false blond began to skitter backward. "Er...can I have a minute?"

That small smile never wavered. "Sure you can."

Relief bloomed in his chest.

"Oh! Well, thanks-

Beast barely had time to croak before a rising uppercut snapped his head backwards and launched him skyward. Had that been the end of it, he would've been able to mount some semblance of a counterattack. To defend himself, surely. He was invincible, after all. Innumerable. Legion. Only one being could command him and _this_ was not that individual. Yes, he told himself, no matter how bad a beating he sustained, surely he could...what the hell was that noise...?

He didn't see the Rasenshuriken shriek up to meet him until it was too late.

But he certain felt every second of the pain that followed.

 _And the impostor screamed._

* * *

(...Meanwhile...)

* * *

"Achoo!"

Medea sneezed.

It was a soft, dainty little sound, wholly and utterly eclipsed by the ensuing explosion of dirt and debris rocketing into the nigh sky overhead. The Witch barely batted an eyelash at this spectacular display; this bizarre drill piercing the heavens above warranted no more than the merest of sigh from the renowned Caster. Even less so when said towering plume-and the tumbling Beast within-inevitably succumbed to gravity and crashed back into the mountain like a falling star. Nay, the witch scarcely paid any attention to the creature's plight. Judging by the laughter that followed, she was certain her Master had the matter well in hand.

Still, that didn't stop the rueful smile from tugging at the corner of her mouth.

"Honestly," she sighed, "He can be such a _boy_ sometimes...

Whomever the intruder was, they were no threat to her so long as he kept them well _down_ the Mountain. Naruto seemed to be doing an able job of that. For all his laziness and foul-mouthed behavior, he retained a rather alarming array of tricks. And yet she still worried. By rights, she shouldn't be concerned for him at all. He'd promised to retreat if he found himself outmatched; that he hadn't done so yet meant that he felt he could win this fight. Yet, a small part of her remained distracted.

 _Concerned,_ even.

Whereas once she might have brought all her will and might to bear upon the summoning ritual

As if sensing that momentary weakness, the circle flared beneath her feet.

Something inside her _twisted,_ causing her to suck in a sharp breath.

With that, Medea's ire warped into surprise, then horror.

Not a moment later, her vision burned white.

 _"What in the world...?!"_

* * *

 _(...Once More Down the Mountain...)_

* * *

"Look at you. Wasted and gasping for air. But you don't get to go yet."

 _'Kill him...kill him...I am...absolutely...GOING TO KILL HIM!'_

Every ache, every cell in his Beast's body cried out for fire and blood; for vengeance and retribution as the boot bore down again his back. Yet try as he might, he just. Couldn't. Fight. Back. He couldn't even rise to meet those words with a barbed retort of his own. Perhaps that had something to do with his astounding lack of limbs. Maybe it was the gaping hole torn through his chest. Regardless, it changed nothing. He _was_ exhausted. Choking on ash, wheezing for breath as he tried to crawl away. What little he'd managed to regenerate of himself had been blasted to pieces once again; the roaring fire of his strength now power all but reduced to the merest of kindling embers. This was all wrong.

This did not bode well.

"What the hell is happening right now?! Where the hell am I?! How are you doing this?!"

For a fleeting instant the pain in his back redoubled. "Because I remember what it means to be alive. You, my friend...

...appear to have forgotten."

A spine-shattering kick sent him skipping across the glassed-earth, yet it also proved his salvation. He could _move_ again.

Abandoning all pretense of attack, the pretender frantically began to drag itself away-inch by agonizing inch-on his single ruined right arm.

As the original looked on, a rift opened only yards away from his former foe; with each agonizing instant, he slid closer towards it. He'd never make it in time, of course.

Lazy he may well be, but Naruto wasn't about to let something like _that_ slip away into the ether. Not only had this ungodly abomination tried to kill him-when he was minding his own damn business!-but it had gone so far as to threaten Medea as well. And it had the gall to wear his face! To throw his own words back at him in a ghastly parody of all he was. Sure, he might not be the most _motivated_ person after so many years, but at least he had some semblance of sanity remaining.

Even if it was just a copy, the world would do well without it. Still, for the sake of decency-if not boredom-he cleared his throat and called out to his would be killer as he approached at a lazy gait.

"I think we're done here, blockhead. I have the high ground."

A gravely groan greeted him as he stalked forward.

 **"You...underestimate...my power...**

Really? That line? Of all things?

"Have it your way, then."

Three swift steps carried him to the rim of the crater. Two more brought him within striking distance, glass crunching underfoot as he crossed the blasted land. One final movement, and by the next, he had the False Beast dead to rights. A choked snarl greeted him as a hand snaked out and plucked him up by the scruff of his neck, as one might a naughty pet. Sure enough, the Pretender yowled like a scalded cat and lashed out with its lone arm, trying to claw his face off. Said arm immediately found itself severed at the elbow and left to pinwheel away into the dusk of course, but credit where it was due.

He admired the man's determination, if nothing else.

Mad though he might be, Beast would still go down fighting to the last.

For some reason, his feeble attempts to escape only enraged the ageless shinobi all the more.

Wrenching this now-limbless doppelganger around, he slammed him into the ground, planting a boot against its throat

"Now then," he ground out through clenched teeth, "Since you seem so intent on surviving, why don't we have a little _chat."_ digging his heel in until he felt something in Beast's windpipe creak ominously beneath it so too did he continue his line of inquiry with a vengeance. "Who are you working for? And don't say the original. There's no way some mindless brute like him could be the true mastermind behind this."

Although that lone red orb gazed up at him with limpid fury, the other proved too swollen to do anything other than twitch.

It made the grin that followed-fangs and all-even more disturbing.

 **...idiot. You have no idea what you've unleashed."**

"Oooh. Ominous." a swift stomp elicited a yelp and quelled all hope of defiance when he tried to rise. "Now talk before I _break your everything."_

 **"Never."** The lookalike turned his head and spat blood. **"There are some things worse than death. Whatever you do here will pale in comparison to what _he'll_ do to me if I give up the goods."**

A blond brow quirked in confusion. "Him?"

Hoarse laughter answered, weak and rasping. **"Idiot. You really don't know nothing do you? Lazy ba-gack?!"**

Another stomp silenced the false Beast. "You're right. I _do_ know nothing. And you're going to enlighten me."

The sheer volume of vitriol that followed momentarily gave him pause, but only just.

"If you're that afraid, we can fight him." he offered. "Together."

 **"Fight? With you? Give me one good reason why I should. Go ahead. I'm listening."** Much to his irritation, that weak cackle only redoubled; all the while that lone crimson eye never left him for a moment. **"You can't, can you? No. I'm done fighting. I just want to watch everything burn."** That scorched skull slumped and regarded him in a chilling moment of clarity. **"I'm going to black out any second now. If you're smart you won't let me wake up. If you do, I'll kill that pretty little Caster of yours and...everything...you hold dear."**

True to his word, the False Beast slumped underfoot a heartbeat later.

"Hey, now!" in an instant Naruto switched his grip and seized this "thing" by the throat. "Who said you could pass out on me?!"

Silence reigned supreme even as he shook him; much to his chagrin his opponent had gone still as the grave. He'd even ceased to breathe.

For a moment-just a moment!-Naruto genuinely felt something; a rare emotion he hadn't experienced in an age. Rage. It bubbled up in him like lava; a deep burning heat bringing with it an overwhelming fury that he hadn't felt in decades. His vision swam with, choking out all semblance of thought. Because at the end of the day, this creature had a point. He was too dangerous to be left alive.

...!"

With a wordless roar and still hoisting his prey aloft, the whiskered warrior pulled his free hand back and formed his fingers into a fist. Blue eyes blazed gold as he drew upon the rich natural energy lingering in the air. One punch. A single swing of his empowered arm was all it took to render Beast's head a greasy red smear upon the soil. Bereft of his skull, the rest of the madman's body crumbled away to ash in his hands. Damnit. Somehow, someway, he'd wanted to believe that it had been lying, that it was truly the original he'd slain, not some mere divided copy. It made his victory taste like just that. Ash.

But moreso, the realization that someone had borne witness to his brief lapse in character.

Sighing, he turned.

"You can come out now."

A moment of silence followed his declaration. And then:

"Aw," a young voice greeted his challenge further up the steps. "When did you notice me~?"

The smallest muscle jumped in his jaw. "Hours ago. Now do me a favor and stop skulking about already, would ya?"

A pair of cheery blue eyes gazed back at him as their owner stepped out of the shadows, her cherubic face framed by waves of curling brow hair and a cheery grin. Clad in a wild ensemble of red and blue, she looked little more than a child at a glance; it was only his sixth sense that said otherwise. For one seemingly so small, she commanded a certain sense of presence, an erratic charisma that lent weight to her otherwise diminutive body and made her more than she seemed, almost as if this were merely a guise she could cast off at any moment.

"Sorry about that," came the impish grin. "I really didn't have much in the way of options when I ran here; because I really didn't have anywhere else to go."

"Wait. You were the one running from that _thing_ in the first place, weren't you?" He paused, realization dawning. "You led him here."

The newcomer sketched an absurdly low bow.

"Busted~! Thanks for the save!"

With a snap of her fingers a crystalline staff materialized in her right hand. Yet she made no move to attack, banishing it again with the merest flick of her wrist. He would've thought her a Caster...if Medea didn't already fill that roll. Which in turn, left him at something of a loss and only served to further fan the flames of his fury.

"Easy, there." her hands snapped up when he stepped forward yet her tone remained soothing, almost hypnotizing by comparison. "I have no quarrel with you; really, I only stuck around to see what all the fuss was about. You made quite the ruckus!"

...and?"

"Oooh, the strong silent type." a girlish giggle greeted him.

"I'll say." she tilted her head and touched a finger to her lips. "It shouldn't even be possible for "me" to be summoned like this, but oh well! Beggars can't be choosers I suppose." ery nice!" She flashed him a jaunty wink.

"Alright, I'll bite. Who are you?"

"You know, I'm honestly tempted to tell you, just to see what your reaction would be, but...no." her mouth curved in a surprisingly mature smile. "Let's not make it that easy. For now? You can call me...Rider. And with that!" before he could think to interrogate her further, she giggled and performed a nimble backflip, skittering away out of his reach.

"Bye bye, Naruto-kun~!" a jaunty wave rewarded him for his efforts. "It was so _nice_ to finally meet you in person. I'm expecting great things!"

With that ominous statement her body faded away into blue mist.

Naruto wrinkled his nose.

"Well. I've had enough surprises tonight."

"Kyaaaaaaaaaah!"

As if to challenge that very theory, Caster's horrified shriek pierced the night. Under any under circumstance, Naruto would've bolted towards the source with all haste and speed. Now, his blond brow merely rose in mild exasperation. For all her noise there was no pain behind her cry, no abject terror to burgeon her cry, only sheer, utter embarrassment. Their mental link still flourished, and she made no attempt to call for his aid. No, if anything, she seemed almost eager to shove his presence away. Hmm.

Well, now. That wouldn't do. Anything that flustered Medea that much warranted an investigation.

His brow climbed higher still, and a smile soon joined it besides.

"Oh, for the love of...who the hell did she summon?"

Whistling, he climbed the steps once more.

He'd soon have his answer.

 **A/N: Ohohoho! You thought it would be Jason but it isn't! Really, the identity of Medea's new "Servant" ought to obvious. Fun times abound.** **Going a different route for the previews this time around, if that much isn't obvious. Once again, I apologize for the short length of this chapter, but I needed to get this series off the ground again and working two jobs makes this somewhat difficult at even the best of times. By this point, the trolls don't even bother me anymore, its the silence, you know?**

 **It really hurts when I bust my ass writing long chapters for you guys and gals only to get...well...nothing...**

 **So in the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

 **...Revieeeew Would You Kindly?**

 **Yar, Here Be Yar Previews!**

 **Plenty of 'em!**

 **0_0**

 **(Preview)**

 _The child raised her saber._

 _...that Archer is bad civilization. Too many muscles. Too perverted. Master, can I kill him?"_

 _Orion squawked. "WHY?!"_

* * *

 _Medea slumped to the floor._

 _Her pride was gone...reduced to atoms._ _In a single instant, all her grand ambitions had been dashed She'd hoped to use a loophole in the summoning system-and the Greater Grail itself-to circumvent the rules and bring another ally to their side. Her theory was sound in principle if not practice; as the Assassin class had yet to be sum Then, as if to mock her very attempts...this had happened._

 _"Um...hello?"_

 _A moment of terrible, ponderous silence fell over the unlikely trio._

 _Naruto seized little the newcomer in a crushing bear hug._

 _"She's so cuuuuuuuute~!"_

* * *

 _"Why don't you recognize me?!"_

 _...I've never seen you before in my life."_

 _With that, the last tennuous thread of her sanity snapped. "STOP! LYING!"_

 _Berserker's fists slammed into/at his chest with all the strength of a jackhammer, yet the infuriating Master stood his ground, suffered each blow with a grunt of pain. He wasn't immune; she knew this; even so, he didn't move, nor did he deign to dodge her claws. With every attack his bones began to fracture, his muscles tearing like the ground beneath them. He did not defend himself. Nor did he smile. Beating him like this gave her no satisfaction, no pleasure, no joby. He simply bore her boundless fury in stoic silence, uncaring as her gauntlets tore at his flesh. It was infuriating! Humiliating! Did he think her an unworthy opponent?! Even in this, her prime form?!_

 _Just like him... **him**... **HIM...!**_

 _But it wasn't him. She knew it. Yet her own madness writhed and twisted inside her like an ugly thing, twisting the Amazon's thoughts into something horrid, until finally, her arms fell slack at her sides. Sanity struggled to reassert itself, a tiny whisper over the howling gale of her own fury, begging her to stay her hand, if only for a moment. But the fury had its say._

 _She seized him by the throat. "Why! Won't! You! Fight! Back?!"_

 _Only then did he deign to move, to look at her again._

 _A lone bloody eye regarded her placidly._

 _"Do you feel better yet?"_

 _She screamed._

 ** _"NARUTO!"_**

* * *

 _"Tch! You wanna know my true name that badly, bitch?! I'll carve it into your corpse!" The enemy Servant sneered down at Medea as she brought her bloodied lance to bear once more, the weapon's scarlet edge framed in the dying light of the setting sun. "My name is Caenis! NOW ROT IN HELL YOU FILTHY-_

 _Medea raised a finger. "You first, dear."_

 _Rage clouded eyes fluttered rapidly. "Eh?"_

 _That was all Lancer managed before a golden meteor dropped out of the sky and struck her like the hand of an angry god._

 **R &R~!**


End file.
